


3am

by In_Your_Wildest_Dreams



Category: Booksmart (2019)
Genre: AU, Drama, F/F, High School, I'm back!, More characters to come, Mystery, some new ones too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:49:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22882018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/In_Your_Wildest_Dreams/pseuds/In_Your_Wildest_Dreams
Summary: “'Cause it's 3 am and I'm callin' everybody that I know. And here we go again, while I'm runnin' through the numbers in my phone.”.... where Amy is the only person who answers Hope’s call.
Relationships: Amy/Hope (Booksmart)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 102





	1. The encounter and the secret

**Author's Note:**

> Well, hello sweethearts! 
> 
> I am officially back. I, I mean I guess I'm back. I got my degree, had some time to relax (not much though 'cause school's started this week again (-_-)") and here I am with a new story. So, tell me how have you all been in my absence.
> 
> Yes, before you ask, I was indeed inspired by the wonderful Halsey and her song(s). i love her so much. 
> 
> Oh and not to be a self-promoter, but if you want to, you can follow me on twitter (i'll follow back i promise!!). My handle is @flyordie4 (:

It rings and rings and rings, but all she receives is no answer. Hope can’t help but think it might be because everyone hates her. The whole school. Why you ask. She doesn’t know, but she’s sure they do. Or maybe nobody’s answering because it’s 3 am and every person she had called is most probably asleep. But do they all keep their phones on silent during the night? Why would they? 

And the worst thing of it all is that Hope cannot even properly read the names belonging to the numbers called. 

Finally, a voice wrecks the silence of her hopelessness, “ _yes_?” Then silence settles again. 

“Uh, who, who is this?” 

“ _What?_ ” They ask confused. 

“Who am I speaking to?” Hope has to try really hard for her tongue not to stumble upon each and every word she’s trying to communicate. 

" _Dude, you called_ me."

"Cool."

“ _Amy, it's Amy here_.”

“Amy?” Hope can’t remember knowing any Amy.

“ _Your classmate._ ”

Hope is still unable to recall the face matching the name, “oh… shit… uh, I.”

“ _Yes?_ ” 

“Listen, I think I,” Hope falls silent as she forgets what she was saying halfway through the sentence. 

“ _Hello?_ ”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“ _Hope, why are you calling me at three in the morning?_ ”

Hope sighs aloud, “can you pick me up?” asks while on the verge of tears.

“ _Pick you up? Are you kidding me?_ ” Her sleepy, angry voice cracked a little at the end. 

“No.”

“ _Seriously, is this a joke?_ ”

“Please… I, I’m by myself and it’s kinda cold.”

“ _Okay,_ ” Amy says, then is quiet.

“Okay.”

“ _So where are you?_ ”

“Uh,” Hope looks around, but can’t tell where she is, “there are houses, I’m on a street.”

“ _What street?_ ”

“I don’t know… I was at a party and they, anyway, I need a ride.”

Amy sighs at Hope repeating herself, “ _can you share your location?_ ”

“My... _oh_ , you can do that?” Hope asks with genuine surprise. 

“ _Are you fucking kidding me?_ ” Amy asks in a patient, but still frustrated tone. 

“Why?”

Amy groans, “ _wha- okay, I’ll think of something._ ”

Finally, after fifteen minutes of explaining to Hope how to share her location with Amy and fifteen more minutes of waiting, a car pulls up by Hope’s figure sitting on the curb. 

“This is weird, so weird. If this gets me into trouble, I swear to God,” Amy warns Hope, but doesn’t disclose a reason behind it. 

"The only person getting into trouble could only be me."

"I also don't need the whole school talking about this."

"About what?"

“About me driving the headmaster’s drunk daughter home in the middle of the night."

"Don't tell me you're scared it's going to ruin your perfect reputation."

"Wha- I don't even have a reputation to begin with… that's not why I said it… yet better, just forget I said anything."

"Now you got my attention. Does Amy have a secret?"

"Yeah, no, though I'm still confused as to why am _I_ the one driving you home? Where are all your friends?"

"Hey, I'm not that bad, okay? I just have my days. And don't deflect. I want to know why you don't want the school to know about this. Since you're only driving me home."

"I said forget it."

"Is this about your _friend?_ "

"Which friend? And why did you say it like that?"

"The girl you always walk around at school with?"

"Molly?" 

"Well, if that's her name… Aren't you guys dating?"

"No. We're best friends."

"You _can_ date your best friend. Your partner can be your best friend."

"I already said no."

" _Okay_. Then who is it?"

"Why would you think it's about somebody?"

"Because since I've brought it up, you've been giving that steering wheel a pretty hard time," Hope refers to Amy gripping the steering wheel too firmly.

"Can we talk about your shenanigans instead?"

"Which part? That my friends ditched me? Or that I stayed at a party at a stranger's house? That I got drunk? You're not going to tell me who it is, are you?"

"Why did your friends ditch you?"

Hope shrugs, “not sure… but I guess I agree about the school not having to know about this.”

"You think your friends won’t talk about it at school?”

"My only friends are from outside of school. But if those people who I used to be friends with found out about it, I’m sure they would definitely tell on me,” Hope admits in a sad tone, reminding herself just how lonely she is. 

"Used to be? Like Jess and Dia?”

“Mh-mm.”

“Can I ask why you guys parted ways?”

Hope hesitates since she isn’t sure if what she tells Amy won’t upset the girl, “it, it kind of has to do with you.”

“ _Me_?” Amy asks surprised.

“The incident, when you got outed… I swear I didn’t know about what they were gonna do. I immediately reported it to my mom. Of course, they knew it was me.”

Amy is quiet, which worries Hope making her think the girl driving now hates her, “why did you report it?”

“It was so not okay for them. I couldn’t just stand around, being an enabler to such things happening.”

“Well, I won’t thank you, because I got even more shit after that, so.”

“I’m not expecting you to be grateful. I just answered your question.”

“Good.”

“Okay.”

Suddenly, Hope starts feeling a little sick, “can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Could you pull over?”

“Why?”

“I think I’m going to throw up.”

“Oh, _shit_.”

Amy pulls over by a nearby diner by the road. Hope jumps out of the car and proceeds to throw up next to it. Amy is glad she was able to exit the car. Amy steps out too. Besides the sound of Hope throwing up and random radio music playing from the speakers belonging to the diner, Amy sharpened her attention to a pair of loud voices as two men exited the diner. 

Amy is surprised when she recognizes one of the voices. It’s Nick, their classmate, with somebody Amy doesn’t know. It makes her quickly sit back into the car, which only cuts the sound off, she is still able to see them. Their body language gives evidence about it not being a normal conversation but an argument. 

Soon both figures disappear behind an SUV. Hope too sits back into the car. 

“Do you have some water?” She asks.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, in the back,” Amy snaps out of it, brushing the whole scene seen off, but is still intrigued as to what it might’ve been. 

_Later that day at school_

“... and I was telling her I can’t, but then she told me she wasn’t even asking in the first place, that she already talked to the manager and I had to go,” Molly is complaining about her mom arranging things for her, but Amy’s attention is shifting the longer the more often somewhere behind Molly’s back, to the other end of the halls. “Like she doesn’t even hear me, I swear I’m going to ask your parents to adopt me.”

Amy quickly looks back at Molly, “you already have a bunch of your stuff at our house, you basically live with us already.”

“Study session at mine after school?” 

“I, uh, I can’t today,” Amy is trying to think of a good reason to answer the question Molly is about to ask her.

“Why not?”

Amy gives a peek to the person in the distance behind Molly’s back, then focuses back at her best friend, “I have to help my dad move some stuff into his new office.”

Hope is hesitant about approaching the girl who gave her a rude earlier in the night, but as she’s eyeing Amy and Molly, she notices Amy being distracted. She decides to study her behavior from a distance for a moment. When Amy looks over Molly’s shoulder, Hope follows the direction of Amy’s eyes and sees the girl is looking at the group of cheerleaders standing at the end of the halls, chatting and laughing. But Hope senses it’s not just a look. It’s _a look_. And not just one. 

Finally, putting any suspicions and conclusions aside for later, Hope walks by Amy and Molly.

“Hey, Ames.”

After having her look finally pulled away from her, Amy notices somebody else approaching them, Hope, who even greeted her. Butthis encounter takes Amy by too much surprise, so she’s barely enough to greet back. Her eyes follow Hope’s figure walking away instead. 

“What was that?” Molly asks baffled.

Amy shrugs, “I don’t know,” she says. This is only partially a lie, since Amy really has no idea why Hope said hi. 

Amy is too excited for when her last class finally ends. She says goodbye to Molly and rushes to her car. A figure is standing by her car, which makes her stomach dance. She looks around the parking lot before walking up to her.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” the girl smiles when she sees Amy. She kisses Amy on the cheek then they both sit inside Amy’s car. 

“I saw you,” she says.”

“Yeah, weirdly, we go to the same school.”

“No, I saw you looking at me. You need to stop,” she says playfully.

“Why?”

“Because somebody will notice.”

“Don’t worry. I’m discrete.”

“Molly is like a detective, I swear she knows everything.”

“If Molly knew, she would’ve already given me the talk,” suddenly, Amy changes her voice, as if imitating Molly, “ _‘what? You and Dana? Are you crazy?’_ Yeah, I don’t think she knows.”

“Okay, I trust you,” Dana says, then leans in for them to share a kiss. When they part lips, she says, “now drive, please.”

Later that day, in the evening, after Amy has spent a cuddly afternoon with Dana, and she’s in bed ready for a good night of sleep, her phone buzzes. 

A message notification awaits her. An unknown number. Her whole body starts shaking when her eyes run across the lines. _’Maybe you should be slicker about where you kiss the people you don’t want others to know that you're kissing. (:’_


	2. The boy and the unexpected

“Hey you,” somebody whispers into Amy’s ear, the start of an unexpected conversation. When she turns around, Amy sees Hope standing tall, a satisfied grin completely unreasonably lighting up her face. 

“Um, _hey_?” Amy is sort of indifferent, still sort of curious about why the tall brunette is interacting with her. 

She proceeds to step closer and whisper again, “I know your secret.”

Amy is taken by surprise. It can’t be, can it? “What?” She asks innocently. 

“You didn’t get my text?” 

_“What?"_ Amy refuses to connect the obvious dots laid in front of her. So _she’s_ the reason Amy is through a sleepless night?

While wearing her pride like a shiny medal, Hope is at the same time trying to act innocently, “from the fright on your face, I’m guessing you two aren’t official, huh.”

Amy knows there is absolutely no point in lying or pretending she doesn’t know what Hope is talking about. “That’s none of your business.”

“Who would’ve thought? Dana Walters,” Hope says as she gazes at the girl and two other cheerleaders standing at a nearby locker. 

“Why the text? Why the secrecy?” Amy asks angrily. 

“My phone doesn’t work, it was a friend’s number, sorry,” Hope says as if it was unintentional that she didn’t sign the text and didn’t secretly want to mess with Amy a little. 

Amy gives her a suspicious look but decides not to comment on it. When she too looks at Dana, who reciprocated her gaze, Amy steps a little away from Hope. Hope notices this and calls the shorter girl out on it, “paranoid much?” 

“Huh?”

“Is she the jealous type?” Hope asks, mocking concern in her voice. 

“No,” Amy retorts defensively. 

“Then,” Hope steps closer to Amy and watches her reaction, which is the girl taking another step back, “why are you nervous to be around me?”

“I have to go,” Amy says when she sees Hope’s smug face looking back at her. Amy’s annoyance doesn’t go unnoticed by her best friend, who’s accompanied by Annabelle. 

“What’s wrong?” Molly asks. 

“What isn’t?”

Before Molly could repeat her question, they hear loud laughter erupting. It’s Dana and the cheerleaders. Molly makes a comment, “could they laugh _any_ louder?” 

Amy quickly wipes her soft side-smile away before either of her friends notice. 

“Did you guys hear the sad news?” Jared approaches them. 

“What?”

“Nick is MIA. Gone. Nobody’s seen him for two days now. I saw two cop cars in the parking lot.”

“What? How do you know all this? What do you mean you saw cop cars?” The news reminds Amy of the incident she saw at the diner the previous night. 

“Everyone’s talking about it,” he says as if it was obvious information and it’s again Amy being the last person to find out about something. 

When they get to class and the bell goes off, Miss Fine walks in with two cops accompanying her. The two officers are there to inform everyone, officially, about Nick having been reported as missing by his parents. The whole class listens to the officers ask about him, who was the last person who saw him, who was best friends with him. After they receive almost zero cooperation from the class, they ask to be contacted in case anybody remembers anything which would be helpful in finding him. 

As the day goes by, Amy is the longer the more worried about not talking to the cops. She doesn’t want to be involved in the investigation, she doesn’t need anybody to know why she was at that diner that night. 

It’s the fourth time in less than a minute that Hope’s checked her watch as she’s waiting for her mom to come and pick her up. Finally, a car pulls up by her side, but it’s not her mom’s and when she peeks inside, she sees it’s definitely not her mom sitting inside. 

“Get in,” she’s ordered by Amy who’s nervously looking around, making sure nobody is around. She starts driving the second Hope shuts the car door, not even waiting until the tall girl fastens her seatbelt, “where’s the rush to?”

“I just need to talk to you.”

“Does this have anything to do with your feelings for me?” Hope asks jokingly. 

“Can you be serious for a moment, please?”

“What’s going on?” 

“Remember when I drove you home. Two nights ago.”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember anything from when we stopped at the diner?”

“We, uh, I don’t.”

“I pulled over so you didn’t throw up in the car.”

“Oh, yeah. What about it?” 

“Do you remember anything?”

“I, I think I was busy throwing up?”

“I saw Nick. He was arguing with somebody. A man. I don’t think he saw us.”

“Did you tell the police?” Hope really does become serious and sort of intrigued about the information Amy just told her. 

“No.”

“Why not? It might be important.”

“I can’t, they can’t know I was there. They’re gonna ask questions about why I was there.”

“ _Seriously?_ ” Hope grows irritated, “Nick is missing. What if something happened to him? What if that guy did something to him? But thanks to you and your, I don’t even know what to call it… you hold back this information because you’re scared your girlfriend finds out you drove another girl home?” 

“She’s not my girlfriend, okay? She’s not, she doesn’t want to be, she’s just, it doesn’t matter,” Amy freaks out but tries to remain as calm as she can be. 

Hope scoffs, then raises a brow, she realizes what is going on, “it does. It matters a hell lot to _you_ , doesn’t it? But _she_ doesn’t want more than sneaking around, huh. You’re trying to keep something going, something that isn’t even real.” 

“That’s not true.”

“That’s what it looks like, so yes, it’s the truth I see and no, I don’t give a fuck if it is the truth. You need to tell the cops. 

“I’m not going to, okay? This was a bad idea. Here,” Amy pulls over, stops the car for Hope to leave.

“You, you want me to leave your car? You pick me up, drive me to,” Hope looks out the window, tries to identify their current location, “where even are we, Amy? You tell me stuff that could have an impact on another person’s life because you don’t know what to do because you’re scared it’s going to ruin your non-existent relationship with a girl, who we both know is never going to come out. And now you want me to leave your fucking car?”

“Great. You laid it all out on the table. Now what, Miss Right?”

“Drive me back to school.”

“I can,” Amy takes a deep breath, “I’ll drive you home,” Amy says with guilt in her voice. 

“Back to school, please. And give me your phone, I need to call my mom.”

“O-kay,” Amy doesn’t exactly understand Hope’s irritation, but maybe she did go a little far driving her around. It felt a little like kidnapping her. 

Amy drives them back to the school while listening to Hope calling her mom, telling her not to worry, that she would be there in a few minutes. Amy wants to ask why they have to go back to the school but is scared that Hope will yell at her again. 

Hope leaves the car all pissed because now she had to think of a good answer as to why she was in Amy’s car. But to Hope’s surprise, her mom doesn’t ask any questions. A quiet voice tells her to tell her mom about what Amy told her. She has a feeling it might be important but knows Amy is not going to talk. Yes, that would mean she would have to explain what she was doing there, but maybe she could talk her way around it.

“Mom?” 

“Yes?”

“I, I might know something about Nick.”

“Did you tell the police?”

“No, I, I wanted to but, well. It’s. It might get somebody else in trouble.”

“Bigger trouble than that boy might be in?” 

“I don’t know. Probably not… I saw him that night. Late at night.”

“Ho- when, how late exactly?” 

“Around three,” Hope answered quietly. 

“ _Hope_! …. Where? How- you snuck out?”

“Yeah… to meet up with somebody. It was dumb I know, but, I saw him. He was arguing with somebody.”

“ _Hope_ ,” her name comes out in a disappointed tone. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Who were you with?”

“It doesn’t matter, mom. Please don’t worry about me, okay?”

“I should call the station, ask for the officers to return to the school. I’m sure you’re not the only person who knows something about him”

“No, please. Just… let’s drive to the station now. Please. None of my classmates are going to say anything, trust me,” Hope needs her mom not to meddle, calling the cops to school again. Hope wants to give the information to the cops, but she also doesn’t want to betray Amy, although there might not be really much on the line to jeopardize when it comes to her relationship with Amy. 

“Maybe if they talked to everyone individually.”

“Mom, please. I know them. They won’t talk. Please.”

Late that night, Hope wakes from her sleep, she’s finding it hard to breathe. The next thing she knows is that she’s sitting in the back of a car, not really recognizing the person driving, but she only assumes it’s either her mom or dad. Her eyes shut again and the next time they open she’s lying on a hospital bed. She doesn’t try to walk behind the thin curtain separating her from the rest of the hectic events happening there. Hell, she doesn’t even try sitting up. Sadly she’s way too familiar with what would happen if she did. She’d faint like the first time. So instead, she lays there and peeks at the bottle hanging upside down. Thank God, only a few inches of liquid is left. 

After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, Hope has a wild thought. _Am I hallucinating?_ Is she… is she hearing a familiar voice? Coming from the other side of the curtain? She’s sure she’s surrounded by many more little improvised rooms made of paper curtains. But, _oh wait, shit_. She hears another voice. 

As much as it makes her head spin, she sits up, even slips her legs off the bed, thinking this would help her make out the exact words of the conversation better. Unable to judge if it is because she moved a little closer or that the other party is talking louder than they think, but Hope can hear what they’re talking about. 

_“... are you sure this was a good idea? What if they recognize me?”_

_“They won’t._ I _barely recognized you. And I know you. They’ll stitch you up and I’ll drive you back.”_

_“You should’ve just stitched me up yourself.”_

_“I don’t trust myself with needles.”_

_“I trust you.”_

_“Your trust doesn’t really improve my sewing skills.”_

_“I’m sorry for getting you into this mess.”_

_“No problem, just make sure that thank you letter lands in my inbox.”_

A wave of dizziness washes over Hope and she has to lay back down on the bed. She drifts off again. She’s being woken up by a nurse, while her dad stands by the end of the bed, he’s holding her coat, almost crushing it in his grasp. 

“What time is it?”

Her dad raises his hand to check his watch, “five in eight minutes.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Hope,” he cusses her.

“Fuck, sorry,” she curses again, making both of them giggle about it in the end, “nurse, what’s up with me?” 

“A few points of the tests we ran came back with higher values than the usual.”

“That’s impossible, I had my monthly check-up yesterday and everything was fine.”

“We’ll send your results to your doctor, they’ll give you new medication and maybe a good explanation as to why your results swing to such an extent.”

“Let’s get you home now,” her dad gives her a reassuring smile, but it doesn’t quite comfort her. 

As Hope settles in her own bed and she’s just about to fall asleep, her eyes shoot wide open when she realizes what she had actually encountered at the hospital. Molly and Nick. Talking about getting stitches? Trusting? _Molly and Nick._

She grabs her phone and dials Amy’s number. It goes to voicemail, but since it’s not something she wants to share over the phone, she only tells Amy to call her when she receives the message. On second thought, Hope wants to run down to the police station and tell them. But then, for a reason, she still wants to win Amy over. The fact that she’s already been to the police station was not going to make the girl happy. But maybe it’s going to be of more help if she tells Amy about what she heard. Molly is her best friend after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, apparently being in quarantine and basically me having no stuff to do for school does not equal me being super productive in writing... I guess me not updating for so long has more to do with me being stuck in a different state than where my family is and basically the whole situation going on in the world. But I promise I'll be updating more often from now on!
> 
> I hope everyone is doing okay. Stay inside and stay safe, sweethearts.


	3. The fight and the truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I might need your help, sort of. 
> 
> Since Dana is a character not in the movie, but she is going to appear regularly in the fic, I was thinking who could play her. I came up with one name, the Norwegian-American actress and composer, Kaya Wilkins a.k.a. Okay Kaya. But if any of you have in mind somebody else whom you think would fit better or perhaps or whose face you've been imagining while reading the fic, I'd be glad if you shared your thoughts, suggestions. I know I'm a little late about giving the name a face, but if I want to be honest, I think unconsciously I have been imagining Kaya as Dana from the beginning. 
> 
> I hope this won't be confusing, pls let me know. (: 
> 
> thank you, sweethearts!

Hope’s plan to talk to Amy got ruined, when they got back from the hospital just for her mom to tell her she’s not letting her go to school until they go back to the cardiologist. Hope then made a plan to sneak out to go to school, once her parents were gone, but even that won’t work, because her dad is working from home. And they made Hope sit in the living room just so he can keep an eye on her. Both her dad and mom know how much she hates being treated like there’s something wrong with her. Yes, _maybe_ her heart has some sort of an error, but nobody knows what it is. Not yet. 

The whole helplessness is only making Hope more frustrated, adding to what she actually witnessed at the ER. She _has to_ tell Amy. But since school is definitely _not_ happening, Hope decides to give Amy a call. The line is dead, turning Hope right to voicemail. _Shit_. She still doesn’t think telling Amy through the phone is a good idea. 

“Hey, Amy. Hope here. Uh, listen, I,” Hope peeks at the dining table, which her dad and his work occupy, to see if he’s still on that video conference; he is, so Hope continues, “there’s something really important I need to talk to you about. I wasn’t at school today, uh, just call me back when you get this, please.”

Amy is sitting on the benches at the football field, her attention not at all on the book she’s holding in her hand. With her eyes, she’s sliding a little higher, just enough to see the girl at the front. She knows that if somebody from the people who sit somewhere higher behind her back, has been watching her for a little while, they’d notice she hasn’t flipped a page since she’d sat down and opened her book. But Amy is too busy watching Dana’s every move. Then when at one point Dana looks up, notices Amy, and their eyes lock, the sitting girl has a wave of heat splash over her. 

She’s never been down there, either to watch a game or the cheerleaders’ rehearsal, so seeing surprise in Dana’s face and body language was an understatement. Amy is hoping it doesn’t bother the girl. Why would it, right? She’s just sitting there, pretending to be reading. 

The next time when their eyes lock, Amy sees Dana smile at her, so Amy smiles back shyly. Their moment gets interrupted by the beeping sound of Amy’s phone. A voicemail. From Hope. She listens to it. Amy still feels a little bad about their interaction from the other day, when Amy kind-of-sort-of kidnapped Hope. But then Hope said a few things that hurt Amy. Oh, if only she didn’t answer that call, if she didn’t give that ride to Hope that night, things in her head and heart wouldn’t be so chaotic. Because Hope is just, she always acts like, like she knows everything, like she’s always right about everything, while being so full of herself at times. And whenever Hope gives that _look_ to Amy, she really can’t keep not looking into her eyes, they’re just… they’re so big and intimidating and something about them… Amy catches herself being completely zoned out, thinking about… _Hope? The fuck, Amy?_

Amy shakes her head and exhales deeply. She quickly puts her book away and skips down the benches, leaving the field.

“Amy!”

She freezes, when she hears Dana call her name. Or is she hallucinating? She turns around to see the girl standing a few steps from her, she looks like she’s worried. Amy looks behind the girl’s back, seeing all the other cheerleaders slowly walking their way. 

Amy whispers, “yeah?” While looking nervous about the situation, “they’re, they’re coming our way,” she adds. 

“It’s fine, I told them you took my physics book by accident.”

“Oh… okay. Well,” Amy raises her voice a little as the other cheerleaders walk by, “yeah, I must have it in my locker.”

Based on seeing Dana trying to hold herself back from laughing, Amy judges she must not be the best at acting. 

“So?” Dana asks suggestively. 

“Oh, let’s, so you want it back or?” Suddenly, Amy turns into a complete mess. Dana steps closer to her and says, “I’ll meet you at your car in five,” and walks away. 

Before heading back to her car, Amy grabs her phone and deletes the voicemail from Hope. There is no way she’s going to let anybody or anything ruin her not-official relationship with Dana. Not Hope, not the Nick thing, not even her conscience, which is telling her she should consider talking to the cops. 

Amy is hugging the steering wheel when she hears a knock on the window of her car, the passenger’s door shortly opens, “hey.”

She sees a cheerful Dana, still in her cheerleader outfit, get comfortable in the seat, while fastening her seatbelt, “you got my book?” Dana asks teasingly. 

“Dude, I’m not even in that class.”

Dana lets out a giggle, “what’s the plan?” She asks.

“Uhh, well, last night my dad returned with a ton of cake from one of his conventions, while my mom cooked a ridiculous amount of food to welcome him, so we’re left with food for a family of seven. And then we’re supposed to keep the doors locked, because my mom has some work-related dinner party to attend and my dad accompanies her, which leaves the house all to ourselves till like midnight, so, I guess we can do whatever we want. Yeah.”

“Great,” Dana says with utter calmness, while her eyes communicate something much more cunning. There is something so inexplicably calming about Dana. The way she talks, the way she moves, when she smiles at Amy for reasons unknown to her, simply being near her, just being there is enough. All bad things go away. They really do. 

“Great.”

Hope falls asleep on the couch, as her father keeps surfing through the TV channels, catching a second of a show or commercial. She’s woken up by her mom returning home. Hope climbs over the couch to get to her mother as fast as she can.

“Mom, I can’t stay another day home. Dad wouldn’t let me do anything,” she complains, “I should go tomorrow. I can’t miss out on school.”

“I was able to get you an appointment with dr. Mendes for tomorrow morning. She’ll run some tests.”

“And then I can go to school?” 

“What’s with you wanting to go to school so much?” 

“Nothing. I just don’t want to miss out on much.” 

“We’ll see what she says, okay?”

“No?” Hope rolls her eyes in frustration. 

“Hope.”

“Mom,” Hope sighed, “can I at least go and take a walk? I mean, fresh air, whatever.”

Not knowing when she’ll be able to go back to school, and Amy not responding to her voicemail, forced Hope to think of a new plan. 

“Just don’t go too far.”

With that, Hope puts her shoes on with the speed of light and leaves the house. She sprints down the street, while dialing Amy’s number, but each time it goes to voicemail. Amy better give her a very good reason why she’s not picking up once Hope arrives at her house or she’ll be really pissed. 

It isn’t the first time that Dana stays over at Amy’s house, since the girl’s household isn’t the most pleasant to spend your time at. At first, it surprised Amy how much Dana trusted her, telling her many personal things, but Amy’s too gotten comfortable with sharing deeper thoughts with the girl. 

“Do you think I could take a shower?” 

“Sure, but,” Amy pauses for a second, waits for Dana to look back at her in anticipation, then adds quietly, “if you could put back on what you’re wearing now.”

“What?” Dana starts walking to Amy, while Amy knows exactly well, the girl’s heard her, “you want me to wear my cheerleader outfit?”

Amy avoids all eye contact, “you, you could, uh.”

Dana gently places her index finger under Amy’s chin and tilts her head a little higher, Amy can’t hold back, she finally looks into her eyes. Before their lips would touch, Dana speaks up, “admit it, you like the outfit more than you like me.”

“I do.”

Dana smiles and plants a big kiss on Amy’s cheek, and walks away towards the bathroom. 

Not two minutes go by when somebody rings the bell, almost giving Amy a heart attack. Amy’s a little freaked out, because she definitely isn’t expecting anybody nor are her parents, as long as she’s aware. So before answering the door, she peeks out the living room’s window. _Shit, what the fuck are_ you _doing here?_

Hope rings the bell a second time. She’s sure Amy is home, since she’s spotted her car in the driveway. When Hope reaches for the bell a third time, she finally hears the door being unlocked, a timorous Amy appearing in the doorway. 

“What are you doing here?” She asks in dismay. 

Hope doesn’t understand the girl’s horror at seeing her, but answers the question shyly, “you didn’t answer my calls and I need to talk to you. May I come in?” 

“No,” Amy replies firmly, almost shutting the door on her own face, but she realizes it’s better if she steps outside. “So, what do you want?” Amy asks scornfully, crosses her arms against her chest. 

“I have to talk to you.”

“What about?” Amy whines, while she’s getting nervous about being caught talking to Hope as if it was a crime. 

“About Nick. I saw, well, heard him and Molly at the ER on Monday early morning,” when Hope sees she’s captured Amy’s attention, she continues, “they were there together, he was getting stitched up. Molly knows more than she tells. I mean, has she told you anything about Nick?” 

“Why were you at the ER?” Amy asks indifferently, but is actually genuinely curious as to why Hope was at the ER.

“That’s,” Hope is taken aback at Amy’s ability of filtering information she’s received, “has Molly told you about where Nick is? Do you know anything? Is that why you’re so calm about it?”

“I’m not calm about it. She hasn’t told me anything. Don’t come to my house and accuse me of things I have nothing to do with, okay?”

“I apologize if it came off like I’m accusing you, but you’re wrong about this not involving you. It’s become part of your life when you saw Nick and that man.”

“You just said you witnessed him alive and almost well, why is that not enough for you?” 

“Because officially he’s still a missing person. His family is worried about him. Maybe he needs help.”

In the meantime, Amy starts leaning against the side of the doorway, her eyes looking everywhere but at Hope, “what do you want me to do, hm?” she asks the taller girl snottily. 

Hope doesn’t know what’s the reason behind Amy’s conceited attitude, but it upsets her a little, “you know what? You actually don’t have to do anything anymore. I’ve already talked to the cops.”

“What?” This new information startles Amy. 

“I told them about that night at the diner. Don’t worry though, I didn’t mention you were there too.”

“You lied to the cops?” Amy has to do her best not to freak out at Hope, while also worrying about Dana showing up at the door any second now. 

“At least they have a better clue about that evening.” 

“What did you tell them? How- you said you didn’t remember anything, you can’t-”

“I told them what you told me.”

“What would you do that for?” Amy asks haughtily. She does understand Hope’s motivations, but it still annoys her a little. The only thing Amy wants is for everything to go back to normal. Is that really so much to ask? 

“Just talk to Molly, okay?” Hope says hurt by Amy’s behavior. Maybe it was her fault. Maybe if Hope wasn’t so harsh with her the other day. Maybe Amy is rightfully manifesting her anger with Hope by talking like she isn’t even worthy of a word. 

“I- You shouldn’t have talked to the cops, Hope.”

“Why? It wasn’t a complete lie. Or is it?” Hope asks with suspicion. 

“No. I, I saw him, it’s just. You could get into trouble.”

“Were _you_ gonna talk to the cops? Honestly.” 

Amy shrugs, “I’m-”

“What if he was dying or hurt or something?”

“I… but we know he’s not.”

“Yeah,” Hope scoffs, then for she feels like Amy’s not hearing her or herself, blabs out in anger, “thanks to me and my faulty heart, we at least know that.”

“Your wh-”

“I just,” Hope starts backing away from Amy, “I wanted to tell you about Molly, because I thought, since you’re her best friend, you might want to know she’s keeping stuff from you. That you’d appreciate me telling you. I thought we’re becoming friends. That was foolish, huh… do you know how all this looks? How, you being so uncaring, looks? That you’ve known all about Nick and Molly and where he is from the very beginning and you’re just making a complete idiot out of me. What I don’t get, is why did you have to drag me into it? Is it because of that night when I called you? You didn’t have to answer my call or give me a ride, but you still did. I didn’t force you to, you could’ve hung up on me. And now you’re,” Hope trails off as she realizes she’s wasting her breath. 

“I don’t know anything other about Nick than what I told you and I really didn’t know Molly is involved in all of it.”

“It looks a hell lot like it though… that or simply you’re just fucking selfish. What I don’t understand is how you talking to the cops could so drastically change things in your life. And don’t start with the Dana thing. She would never find out from them, for fuck’s sake.”

Amy takes a step closer, but at the same time Hope backs further away, “you don’t get it, it’s… I can’t jeopardize my relationship, because of-”

“Oh my God,” Hope calls out aloud, “I don’t care about your relationship! Nobody cares. This,” Hope scoffs, “there’s somebody missing. Sure, we know he’s alright, but I’m also sure there is a reason why Nick’s gone into hiding or whatever. What if that reason finds him and something happens to him? Will you be able to live with the fact that maybe you could have prevented him from getting hurt by talking to the cops? And the fact that I’ve done it for you, does not put the verdict in your favor, does it?”

Amy is left with no words to say. She doesn’t know what answer Hope expects from her. She watches as Hope walks away, thinking it might be the last time they’ve spoken because the tall girl sure as hell won’t want to talk to Amy ever again. 

When she gets back inside, she finds Dana walking into the kitchen, she smiles when she notices Amy approaching.

“Did I hear yelling? An angry neighbor? Hey,” she walks to Amy and hugs her, when she notices the confusion on Amy’s face, “what happened?” 

“It was um,” Amy stops herself from talking. She’s hesitant if she should lie about who was at the door or not. Why does Amy feel such repulsion at the thought of talking to Dana about Hope? 

Amy smiles, “it was Hope.”

“From school?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know you were friends,” Dana says with genuine surprise in her voice. 

“We’re not, we just had an assignment to work on, but she, uh, she’s decided to bail on me. I’ll have to find another partner.”

Dana furrows her brows, “did she tell you why?”

Amy shakes her head slightly, “no.”

“You could talk to her tomorrow, ask her why. Maybe you can change her mind. If you’re friends you should be able to sort it out.”

Dana completely surprises Amy. Or has Amy lived in the wrong belief all this time, thinking for some reason that if Dana knew Amy talked to any girls other but her, she’d freak out and end whatever stage their relationship is at? Is it possible Amy has had the wrong impression of Dana? That she’s feared a completely unreasoned and irrational future situation? Is it finally time for Amy to face herself about having a completely wrong picture of Dana in her head, which she’s only made up because she hates to admit that she wholeheartedly does not care about Nick disappearing and doesn’t want to take part in the manhunt?

Hope doesn’t even know how she’s walked home, what route she took, but when she enters the house she senses her mom asking if she isn’t hungry. Then starts asking questions all concerned when she sees Hope’s acting oddly. She assures her parents that she is okay. 

Her mind has completely exhausted her body physically, so she lets it fall onto her bed. As she painfully recalls the conversation she had with Amy a few teardrops land on her pillow. She knows she was right.

It’s all so confusing. Why is Amy so reluctant about the Nick thing? And the way she talked to Hope, the way she looked at her. The thought of it makes Hope cry even more. She’s thought she knew how Amy is, she obviously doesn’t. She’s more disappointed than ever, but that’s all on Hope of course. Because she’s obviously drawn the wrong picture of Amy; she’s been seeing her the way, it seems, she is not. And you know what’s the most dreadful thing about this picture of Amy in Hope’s mind? That Hope’s started liking her. A lot.


	4. The apologies and rejections

All night Amy's been trying to come up with a good way of approaching Hope the next day at school. But not even in the morning does she know what to say to her. She does feel bad for how she acted yesterday. However, she isn’t sure what the girl wants to hear from her. That she cares? But if she doesn’t? Does that make her a bad person? Or is she supposed to lie? Maybe an apology would be a good start. See where the conversation goes. 

But when Amy spots Hope walking down the hall, she freezes, grows too nervous to even move her limbs. But knowing her courage would fall apart the further she’s into the day, Amy forces herself to start walking and soon she catches up to Hope. 

Does Amy have the nerve to even greet her after the way she talked to her the previous day? Hope has to hold back from not unleashing her anger onto Amy. She doesn’t need another dramatic scene to write to her name. But the girl just won’t get the memo of Hope not responding to her, will she? No, so now Hope has to listen to her while she follows her around the school like a lost puppy.

“... can we just talk it out? I’m really sorry-”

Hope can’t take it anymore, she swiftly turns around and harshly, but in as low a voice as she can, finally speaks to the girl, “sorry? For what?” _Yeah, what for Amy? That you were acting like a jerk? That you were rude to me? That every time I see you I’m reminded that you’re in love with somebody else?_

“The way I acted. How I talked to you, it was completely unreasoned. But you’ve got to understand that I-”

“Yes, you can’t mess up your perfect relationship. It’s all been heard before, Amy. Snap out of it, will you? And while you’re at it, try to learn how to give a sincere apology, so next time you’re doing it, it actually means something and everything that comes out of your mouth are not empty words.”

With that, Hope walks away without having Amy follow her. It’s not easy, being rude to somebody you like. But it’s ‘ _give what you get_ ’, isn’t it? 

It takes being approached by Molly for Amy to come back to her senses. 

“What’s her deal?” Molly asks, then repeats her question, when Amy doesn’t reply immediately. 

“She’s… I don’t know, dude. She just,” what is Amy supposed to say? The truth? Or ask Molly about the truth? Why has she been lying to her the whole time about Nick? But does Amy even care? Is she supposed to be mad? Because she’s not, she doesn’t feel like she’s upset. But if she looked at things from Hope’s perspective, or tried at least, her not talking to Molly about this _would_ look suspicious, like Amy’s known about everything.

“You know, I kind of feel like you’re keeping something from me.”

“I’m sorry?” Amy panics.

“It’s not the first time I see the two of you talking. Are you friends now? Or _more_?” Molly asked playfully. 

“You think _I'm_ the one keeping secrets?” Amy tries to turn the spotlight on Molly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Not wanting to be heard by everyone else, Amy guides them out of the building, around it, to the parking lot, where the dumpsters are. 

“Why did we have to walk all the way here?”

“Why haven’t you told me that you’re helping Nick?” 

“What?” 

“I know you’re helping him. You know where he is, don’t you?”

“Where did you get this _absurdity_? Me helping Nick? Why would I be helping him?”

“That’s what I could be asking _you_.”

Molly looks around thoughtfully, she’s quiet for a moment, maybe trying to collect her thoughts or think of a lie she could tell Amy, who’s obviously not buying what Molly is trying to sell. “Is that why you were talking to Hope? Did _she_ tell you?” 

“So is it true?”

“You shouldn’t know about this. You shouldn’t. And she shouldn’t either,” there’s some sadness mixed with concern in Molly’s voice.

“Is it true? Were you at the ER with him?” 

“Yes, God, it’s true. I thought she was asleep the whole time. She was freaking lying on the bed next to us. When we were leaving Nick accidentally walked the wrong way and we saw her lying there, getting an IV.” 

“She heard you.”

“Who else knows?” 

“So you’re not going to apologize?” 

“For what? I never lied to you.”

“No, you only kept it a secret. Same thing.”

“It’s not and you know that. Please tell me, who else knows?”

“Nobody else. Hope only told me, I think.”

“You think?”

“We’re not that good friends. I was actually kind of a jerk to her and I feel bad about it.”

“Who cares. You won’t talk to each other again for the rest of high school anyway.”

How much truth is going to be in Molly’s words? Is that how it’s going to be? Amy will never talk to Hope again? Has Amy blown all the chances to be friends with the girl? And why does she feel bad about blowing her chances of being friends with Hope? And on the side note, Amy never got the chance to ask Hope about why she had to go to the ER. 

“Look,” Molly continues, “I’m sorry for not telling you. But I promised Nick I wouldn’t tell anybody, not even to you. He’s alright, for now, but for it to stay that way, you have to act like you don’t know about anything.”

“Well, I don’t,” Amy lies, knowing fully well, she never told Molly about seeing Nick at that diner. But maybe it’s better this way. Maybe this is how Amy can go back to her normal life. Pretend like she doesn’t know about Nick or that she’s anyhow involved. She isn’t since Hope sold Amy’s story to the cops as her own. And Hope… Molly might be right. The two of them were never going to become friends. Amy gave the girl a ride once and that’s where the story ends. Amy can focus on the most important things: Dana. 

In desperate need to blow some steam off, Hope decides to skip her last class and go to the track field, run a few laps. While the doctors don’t recommend any physical exercise for Hope for now, and of course her parents make sure she does as the doctor’s said, Hope doesn’t even have the luxury of doing the bare minimum of physical exercise in gym class. 

Unfortunately, she has an even less pleasant encounter with some of the cheerleaders than she’s had with Amy, in the changing rooms. Jess, her girl-who’s-not-her-friend-anymore, addresses her presence, only indirectly though.

Hope rolls her eyes, then turns around to face the girl, “if you have something to say, say it to my face.”

“I didn’t know rats could speak.”

“Well if you can understand what I’m saying, you must be one yourself, huh. But aren’t you tired yet? I thought we’ve been over this. Moved on.”

Jess scoffs, “being betrayed by your friend is not something you can just move on from.”

“Bullying somebody, humiliating them, I don’t do that from my own initiative nor will I do it for somebody else, friend or not.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you were in on it too, the planning at least.”

“It’s never a democracy if it involves you. When was the last time you asked one of your puppets what they wanted? Or if they agreed with a decision _you_ considered to be the right one?” Hope looks at the other girl standing only a step behind Jess. That is when Hope noticed Dana on the far left. 

“Loyalty and trust. If they stand by my side, I know I don’t have to ask anything.”

“I think some are rather controlled by the knowledge of what you’re capable of. I can name a hundred people whom you’ve hurt. And that’s only those I know of! But you’re not the alfa here, the top girl, the captain. So I don’t get where you’re getting all this confidence from. And, if you’re a bad person, at least try to be good at something, right? Have something to brag about, earn people’s respect by doing something amazing, not have control over them by keeping them in fear.”

Jess’ smile isn’t genuine, Hope has a feeling the girl might punch her in the face any second now. And Hope doesn’t want that to happen only because then her mom would find out she’s been trying to sneak around, getting some exercise. But she doesn’t, only takes a step closer, “are you trying to start something here?”

Hope leans in a little, shakes her head, “I’m ending it,” with that, she slams her gym locker’s door and walks away. She’s expecting to be yanked or punched from the back, but nothing happens. She exits the building and heads to the track field. 

An hour later Hope throws herself onto the grass as she’s unable to even stay on her feet any longer. 

“Hey.”

Hope looks up, “the fuck?” It’s Dana. Now, what could she possibly want from Hope? She just stands there, looks down at Hope’s lying figure.

“I’m sorry about Jess.”

“What are you, her spokeswoman?” Hope sits up, starts stretching her legs. 

“No,” Dana sits down the nearest she can. 

“Then why are you apologizing? I’m more sorry for you being friends with her.”

“I’m not her friend,” Dana retorts defensively, “we both happen to be on the team. That doesn’t exclusively make us friends. She’s awful.”

“Whatever:”

“I wanted to talk to you about Amy.”

“What about her?”

“Look, I saw the two of you talking earlier today and it didn’t seem like you two have made up. You’re,” Dana pauses for a moment and Hope lets her figure out what she wants to say because she’s too curious, “you owe her an explanation. You’re friends, it’s unfair of you to ditch her like that.”

Hope’s only reaction is blinking because that’s how unbelievable she finds the situation. She’s also startled by Dana’s boldness to come up to Hope and talk to her, try to resolve a problem that’s a complete lie (Amy has obviously lied to this poor girl about what the fight was about). 

Hope smiles, “Amy and I, we’re not friends. What happened is not your business, so I won’t even thank you for trying to help. And, I’m wondering, why do you care?” 

Sure, Hope could tell the girl how Amy has lied to her. Hope could also tell Dana she knows about their relationship. But she won’t. Because caring about Amy and her life is not Hope’s problem anymore. Still, Hope is too curious as to what reason she gives her about why she cares if she talks to Amy or not. 

“Because I care about her,” she says shyly, at first she doesn’t look at Hope, but when she does, when they lock eyes, Hope realizes the girl means it, “a lot,” she adds, then smiles. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I mean, we’re not public. But it’s because of me. My dad, it’s not too pleasant to be around him and… what happened to Amy and the way everyone talked about her or you. I’m scared of the looks. But I’m a little more scared, that Amy will get tired of the secrecy. I’m scared of losing her.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Hope asks indignantly, she raises her voice a little, “we’re not friends. Amy’s not my friend. I don’t care.”

Dana gives her a hurt look, the look of a stray dog sitting in the street during a storm, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Leave me alone, okay?” Hope pops onto her feet and rushes away. What’s worse than being treated badly by the person you like, you would ask. Well, probably listening to the partner of the person you like, talk about how much they like the person _you_ like. 

As soon as she gets changed, she storms through the school, eagerly looking for Gigi. 

“Woah,” she immediately senses the rage boiling in Hope, “what happened?” 

“Not here. What are you doing now? Will you come over? We’ll get take-out on the way."

“Of course. I’ll get my stuff.”

Later that day, Hope is furiously trying to make Gigi understand how dumb Amy has been acting, but for Gigi to get the whole point, Hope also tells her about Nick. 

“And she was so obnoxious... like I was some annoying kid. And today she comes to me with some cheap-ass apology and with the same breath she gives me another of her,” Hope pitches her voice as if mocking Amy then switches back to normal, “ _‘but I could lose my relationship over this’_ lines, while not at all taking into consideration how I might be feeling.”

Gigi’s jaw dropped a little, “Amy’s in a relationship?” She asks, shortly gives Hope an ear-to-ear smile, “who is it?”

“It doesn’t matter. Just, I was trying to be helpful, tell her about Molly too and that’s what I get.”

Gigi whispers her question, “is it possible that Amy’s behavior is not the only thing that’s bothering you?”

Hope lets her back hit her bed, she can’t look Gigi in the eyes, while answering the question, because she knows what the next one will be, “what are you saying?” 

“That the way she’s treated you hurts you more because it was coming from her in particular? Because you have feelings for her?” One of the things Hope likes about Gigi is how straightforward the girl is. No courtesy laps with her. 

“Maybe,” there is no reason for Hope to lie, while she knows she can be completely honest with Gigi. 

Gigi lies down too, “what do you want to do about it?”

“There’s nothing I can do about it,” but there’s so much Hope _wants_ to do about it. Sadly, all those things would be morally too corrupt. She knows that if Dana comes out, there will be nothing stopping Amy from being happy with the person she loves. 

“There’s always something you can do. Yell at her. Key her car. You have an endless list of options, you just have to get creative.”

“No. I don’t want to do any of that.”

“If your feelings are too strong and you know you would feel bad, I could do it for you if you want me to.”

“No, please.”

“You don’t want to cause her any harm or damages?”

“It wouldn’t be fair. I mean, not on behalf of my _feelings_. Because it’s not her fault I have them, besides, she doesn’t know I do. And any of the things you’re plotting in your head right now wouldn’t cause as severe of emotional damage as I’m feeling right now anyway, so. I think… I think I need to get rid of the whole baggage as it is.”

Yes, it’s not Amy’s fault that she’s fallen in love with Dana and it’s also not Amy’s fault that Hope has feelings for her. But the way Amy behaved is all on her. And that is something to be upset about. Hope has every right to be angry, maybe even have a desire to get back at Amy somehow. And Hope knows of one thing she could do. In fact, it wouldn’t even hurt anybody, on the contrary, she’d do just the right thing. Come out with the truth _and_ teach Amy a lesson.

“What baggage?”

“The whole Nick thing. I got pulled into it because of Amy,” while on one hand, Hope knows it’s not completely true since if she hadn’t gotten drunk that night, she wouldn’t have had to call for a ride. But if Amy acted like a responsible person and went straight to the police with the information she had, Hope wouldn’t be in all the trouble of feeling responsible for another person’s fate, trying to navigate other people, as in Amy in this case, to do the right thing (which Hope feels like she’s failed doing, but that doesn’t matter anymore).

“What are you thinking?” 

“Go to the cops, tell them the truth.”

“That way Amy would have to talk to them.”

“Exactly.”


	5. Once, twice in a bad situation

Amy almost faints when she sees two figures approaching right ahead as she and Dana are walking to the school’s main building. She recognizes them, she knows who they are. The woman on the left holds eye contact with Amy. 

“Amy?” The woman on the right calls her name, convincing Amy that, indeed, her suspicion that they came for her, has been right. 

“Yes?” Amy asks shyly, stops walking, so does Dana. 

“Can we talk to you?”

“I, sorry, we have to get to class,” Amy only now realizes what’s going on. She _knows_ what they want to talk to her about. This makes Amy want to go talk to somebody else. Yet better, yell at one person in particular. 

“It won’t take long. We’ve been informed you know something about your missing classmate, Nick.”

“I don’t, not really. I’m sorry, we can’t be late.”

“Right,” the cop on the left says suspiciously, “we’d appreciate it if you came down to the police station when you have the time, preferably as soon as possible.”

“I,” in panic, Amy gives Dana a quick look and she’s terrified of Dana’s oblivion. She’s scared of all the questions the girl’s going to pin once the cops are gone. Amy’s scared she’s going to leave when she realizes Amy’s unwillingness to answer them. “I’ll see,” Amy tells the cops unconvincingly.

To Amy’s surprise, Dana doesn’t start asking questions right away. She asks only one, “why do they think you know something about Nick?” 

But the anger is boiling in Amy, she just doesn’t have the patience to deal with Dana right now. “We’ll talk later,” she says matter-of-factly and rushes through the school. She spends all morning looking for Hope, ready to unleash hell onto the girl for what she’s done. Because Amy knows it was Hope who talked to the cops. This is her revenge for how Amy’s treated her. For sure. 

After the first period, Amy tries her luck again. It's a success this time, Amy sees Hope walking out of one of the classes. 

“Hope!” Amy yells since she’s a little behind and wants the taller girl to expect her arrival somewhere nearby soon. But the taller girl doesn’t turn around or slows down. So Amy starts walking faster, soon she’s almost slaloming between her schoolmates.

“Hope!” She calls her name once more, but since she’s still not reacting to Amy, Amy has to jump in front of the girl to get noticed. 

“The fuck?!”

“We have something to talk about, don’t you think?”

“I have nothing to talk to _you_ about,” Hope steps aside to walk past Amy, but Amy once again jumps in front of her. 

“I _have_ a few words for you.”

“You can keep them to yourself,” Hope retorts with a coy smile; it’s ridiculing laughter right into Amy’s face. 

“How could you do this to me? Why would you? I’ve assumed you have at least so much decency in you, that you won’t bug your nose into something that isn’t your business,” as she’s getting more and more heated, Amy doesn’t even notice she’s been upping her own voice, bringing the whole hall’s attention to them. 

Hope just shrugs.

“You’ve ruined everything, Hope. Everything! Now they want to talk to me. And now _she_ thinks I’m somehow involved. It was the one thing you knew I didn’t want.”

“Geez, take a breath,” Hope is in awe at how stupid Amy’s acting. While she’s never imagined the news would evoke so much rage in Amy, Hope is sure this scene is all but not counterproductive to Amy’s plan for people not finding out anything. “You’re overreacting the whole situation… you have since the very beginning.”

“That’s what _you_ think. I’m going to lose everything thanks to you.”

“No, Amy, that will only be thanks to yourself.”

“I wish I didn’t answer that call. I wish I didn't get to know you. I wish I didn’t know your fucking name. You’ve ruined everything!” Amy storms away.

For a second, Hope feels like the ceiling is going to collapse on her. But only onto her. It’s her and only her that deserves to be buried alive, for there is nothing that matters anymore anyway. Amy hates her. 

And if it all hasn’t been enough, Dana shamelessly steps to her frozen figure, “what was that about? What went down between the two of you?”

Being on the very verge of breaking down, but still shoving her feelings down, Hope leans as close to Dana as it’s appropriate and tells her in the calmest voice she can gather at that moment, “she hasn’t been the most honest lately. But it’s not me whom you should be asking questions. _She’s_ your girlfriend, isn’t she? Talk to _her_.”

Hope walks away at a quick pace, only the corner of her eye senses somebody following her. When she turns around she sees Gigi, who soon wraps her arm around Hope’s, and they both exit the school’s building. 

“Do you think I deserved that?” Hope asks as she removes the cigarette from her lips. She slowly blows the smoke out. She keeps forgetting how comforting the space under the benches is. Probably the last place she can claim that fact about. 

“I didn’t hear most of it.”

“You heard the ending.”

“I did.”

“Do you think I went over the line… telling the cops the truth?” 

“No,” Gigi says protectively, “but _she_ did, causing that scene. If people weren’t interested in her, now they will be… so if by any chance that Dana thing got out,” Gigi said suggestively. 

Hope gave her a dismissive look, “no, Gigi. That poor girl has enough issues. This is between me and Amy… or at least was.”

“Okay. But you know, it is a way to get back at Amy.”

“No,” Hope puts her cigarette out, remains sitting, “going to the cops _was_ me getting back at her.”

“I’m sure she’ll realize she’s been a brat. Give it time. A day will come when she comes to you and apologizes. Take my word.”

“I don’t know, G,” Hope looks away somewhere into the distance and adds nonchalantly, “I don’t care.”

“You do,” Gigi sits next to Hope, throws her arm around her neck, “you just need to get yourself over her. What about that girl you told me about?”

Hope gives Gigi a clueless look, “when did I tell you about a girl?”

“A few weeks back. That girl from college?”

“ _Oh_ ,” Hope remembers she’s never called her back, “I don’t think that’s still on.”

Gigi looks at Hope confused, “well, even if it’s only _for fun_. I’m sure she won’t be mad if you text her. Worst case scenario she doesn’t reply to you. At least you’ll know.”

Hope scowls her face, “I can’t really sneak out these days. My parents are going insane with all the precautions. If they could put me into a box and put me up on a shelf like one of those collectible dolls, I’m pretty sure they would.”

In the meantime, Amy is trying to pull herself together in one of the restrooms. Her body jerks when she hears the restroom’s door open. _Oh, great_.

“There you are,” Dana walks up to her, her smile fades away when she notices Amy’s unease. 

“Hey.”

“Amy, what’s going on?” She asks, concerned. 

“Nothing,” Amy says without any persuasion in her voice. 

“Does the cops wanting to talk to you have anything to do with your fight with Hope?” 

Amy looks at Dana, “why would you think that?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t have all the pieces, so I can’t put it all together. But the things you yelled at her… She told me... Have you been lying to me? Is there something you haven’t been honest about?” 

Amy knows if she doesn’t get out of the conversation, her whole life is going to come crashing down. “I’m sorry, I can’t… I have to find Molly. I need to talk to her.”

“Why don’t you talk to me instead, since I’m already here. Or do you not want to talk to me? Is there anything you want to tell me about? Because I _do_ feel like I’m being lied to. I’m just unsure by whom. You or Hope?” 

“I, I will explain everything. Just, this… it’s, I’m sorry, I really am, it’s just…”

“You’re only trying to win yourself enough time to come up with a good explanation as to why you’ve confided more in Hope than me, aren’t you?”

Amy doesn’t answer. When she looks into Dana’s eyes, she almost breaks down. Why can’t she just speak up? _Tell the truth, Amy!_ But Amy doesn’t speak, she’s quiet. Instead, Dana’s dismissive words come at her like a sharp knife, “I’ll see you later, I guess.”

With a tired sigh, Dana leaves the restroom, leaving behind Amy, who’s torn by the disappointment she’s become in Dana’s eyes, but still too scared to burst out the truth. She’s too scared to do anything in order not to jeopardize her relationship, but by not talking that’s exactly what she’s doing. 

When Hope thinks the worst is behind her, she finds herself in another upsetting conversation. She’s attacked, true, only verbally, but the words hurt just as much as punches would. Molly does not hold herself back. 

“The fuck did you talk to the cops for? You have _no_ idea what you’ve just done.”

“I did it to help. It was the right thing to do.”

“No, you did what you _thought_ was the right thing to do, but your judgment couldn’t have been more wrong. I was so relieved when I saw you were actually asleep when I saw it is you lying on that hospital bed. Then Amy confronted me about it and I realized you heard us because nobody else could have.”

“So?”

“Oh my God, are you seriously this fucking stupid? There’s a reason for things to be the way they are. But it’s just that easy for somebody like you to think they know best. I’ll pray that whatever the fuck’s wrong with you, will bring you down.”

Molly rushes away, leaving Hope standing in the middle of the hallway all by herself. If the fight with Amy wasn’t humiliating enough for her, this scene surely has been. While everyone is looking at her, Hope’s sight is stuck on the very spot where Molly’s just been standing, yelling at her. 

“Can we talk?” 

“ _You_ again?” Hope rolls her eyes, as a wide-eyed Dana reappears, the very last person Hope wishes to talk to.

“What was all of this about?”

“It’s none of your business,” as Hope is walking away from the girl, she hears a question slipping out of the girl’s lips, “why do the cops want to talk to her?”

This makes Hope stop and turn around, “listen,” she steps to Dana, “it’s not your problem. Leave it alone. Besides, I’m not the one whom you should be talking to, but I’ve already told you that.”

“Maybe, but you’re the only person who’s talking to me. She’s shut me out so suddenly as if we haven’t been,” Dana trails off shyly, “why does she trust you more than me?” 

Hope lets out under her breath, “oh God,” then takes a deep breath so she actually doesn’t freak out at the girl, “this is not about trust. It’s about a string of dumb decisions I’ve made in the past, and which I’ll probably repeat sometime in the future. Amy did me a favor. That is all. And now it’s become her obsession, that whatever happened while doing me that favor, is going to ruin her life and mostly, mess things up with you,” Hope sees Dana’s horrified look and quickly realizes what’s she just said might’ve come out the wrong way, so she quickly adds, “don’t jump into any conclusions. Nothing like _that_ happened between us. Talk to her, okay?”

Amy’s contemplation session, held in her car, with her forehead pressed against the steering wheel, is interrupted by quick-paced knocking against the window on the passenger’s side. When Amy lifts her head, she already hears the car door open and sees a furious Molly get comfortable in the seat next to her. 

“I _cannot_ believe the _audacity_ this bitch even _has_. One would think that after all the shit she’s got in the past, though undeservedly, she would stay in her fucking lane.”

“What happened?”

“She’s dead to us.”

“Who?”

“Are you even listening? _Hope_ , obviously.”

“Oh, yeah. Totally,” Amy’s rage has gone somewhere else, now the only emotions she feels are fear and jitters. She has no idea what she’s supposed to do. 

“And if Hope making me have to talk to the cops wasn’t enough, I just got a call from Nick. He told me he can’t stay where he’s right now. He’s asked me to get him a ride, but since I don’t have my car right now.”

“Why does he have to leave?”

“He didn’t say. God, I’m gonna get in so much trouble.”

“In trouble?”

“With the cops. I lied to them. I denied that I’ve ever been to that hospital. Which by the way, had cameras on every corner. So sooner or later they _will_ learn the truth and I will get questioned about it.”

“Why didn’t you tell them the truth?” 

“Because as unbelievable as it is, Nick is my friend. I have to help him.”

“But where do you want to get him a ride? I mean, can’t he just get a cab?”

“He doesn’t trust anybody. It’s…”

“Does he even have another place to hide?”

“Yes. He has a decent friend downtown, but he’s carless at the moment.”

“Where are we going to find somebody who has a car and is willing to keep quiet about this?” Amy looked around the parking lot. Even when not looking at her, she can feel her friend looking at her. When Amy turns her eyes back to Molly, she sees her friend giving her _that_ look. That desperate look begging Amy to say eye to whatever she’s about to suggest. But Molly doesn’t say anything, because she knows she doesn’t have to. So Amy lets out a soft, “oh, fuck,” only after this does Molly begin her begging her with words. 

“Amy, you’re the only person _I_ trust. I wouldn’t ask you if I had another choice.”

“Molly, I really don’t want to get involved,” Amy whines, although she is already involved. But as she’s expecting Molly to confront her about lying, she doesn’t, which makes Amy think if she really doesn’t know about the diner incident Amy saw. Would this be the one thing that Hope hasn’t told Molly about? Or maybe she’s just planning on doing that? Or she thinks Molly knows about it. 

“Amy, _please_.”

Amy closes her eyes, tries to mentally find a place where there’s peace, but finds nothing at all. The streets are vacant, everything is on fire and Amy is looking around in despair, trying to figure out how much worse things could become if she helps Nick.


	6. The party and the two conversations in her car

Amy mutes the music that she’s been listening to while driving as she parks by the curb of the house that the given address has led her to. Amy waits a minute, till the clock on her phone’s screen jumps to exactly 7:00 pm, then calls the number Molly gave her. The other side hangs the call up after the first ring. Shortly, she sees somebody exit the house. 

Instead of sitting in the passenger’s seat, Nick gets comfortable on the right side in the back. He drops a quiet, “hey,” then dives his eyes on the screen of his phone, which has its brightness toned down to the lowest. 

Amy murmurs under her breath an ‘okay’ and drives away from the house. In a short moment, she realizes she doesn’t have the address where she’s supposed to be taking Nick to. 

“Where, what’s the address?” 

“Oh, right, here,” Nick shoves his phone into Amy’s face, who has to slow the car, almost stopping it, to read it safely. She has to copy it into her phone, which calculates the route. 

“Dude, that’s all the way in Irvine.”

“Is that inconvenient for you?” 

“I guess not. It’s just, Molly said it was Downtown, so I think I’ll need just a second to sort something out,” Amy hates to text Dana to tell the girl she’ll be late. Dana is already upset with her, postponing the talk is probably only going to make her think that Amy’s trying to win even more time to come up with excuses. _Please wait for me_ , Amy seeks patience from the girl, hopes only for her understanding. But she doesn’t wait for an answer. Amy considers it more productive to get going, make that drive as fast as possible, of course only within the speed limits. 

The same time, only in a different place, Hope is stuffing her chapstick into the pocket of her jacket, has already fed her parents a pretty lie about going to Gigi’s house to study, who is already waiting for her outside her house. 

It’s not like Hope _wants_ to go to that party, but then lying in her bed alone with her thoughts and flashbacks of the drama that happened at school is not going to make her get over, among many things, the horrible day it has been. But Gigi was right, as usual, because if Hope hadn’t texted Lana she wouldn’t have been invited to a party. 

“Nervous?” Gigi pokes at Hope, probably noticing she’s been playing with the hem of her tee.

“Should I be?”

“I always throw up before I go on a date. But I have a phobia of vomiting. That’s why I don’t go on many dates.”

“I’m going to a party to get drunk. No date.”

“To a party a girl invited you to.”

Hope is just too tired to negate whatever facts Gigi thinks she’s stating. When they arrive, Gigi lets Hope know she can call when she wants to go and she’ll come and pick her up (or send somebody). 

Simply walking into a stranger’s home used to be weird at the beginning, but it’s become a routine for Hope. Enter, mingle, get drunk, leave. She finds the nearest surface that holds a bottle of what might be alcohol. Hope finds several bottles of beer so she grabs one and starts walking around. While taking each of her steps humbly, her eyes search the spaces of the house, looking for Lana. After doing so for a little while, Hope gets tired and spots a group of people sitting in a circle on the floor in the living room, playing something, which must be fun because their laughter is audible in the whole house. 

“May I join?” She asks. 

Several ‘yeahs’ come at her in unison, a spot is immediately freed up for her. They’re playing a game of truth or double dare. 

“I’m not that familiar with this version.”

“The person who chooses dare has to choose a person from the circle to do the dare with them. If this person does a better job doing the dare, the one who’s been originally dared, has to do another dare by themselves. If not, the original can dare the picked one, but don’t have to.”

Hope wants to ask a follow-up question, on who decides who’s executed the dare better, but the game continues and nobody is paying her any more attention.

*

Amy knows she shouldn’t be talking to him. She knows he probably won’t answer any of her questions, but after only ten minutes of driving, Amy clears her throat, “so is, is everything okay?” That is not a good question, Amy. 

“I think my situation is pretty self-explanatory.”

“Mm, yeah, but like, are you in trouble or something?” 

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“Okay, I can’t. I have to ask you. The evening before we were told you’re missing, well, I saw you at the diner, with some guy.”

“The diner?” 

“The place Annabelle’s father used to own.”

“Oh, that.”

“I saw you two were arguing... Does that somehow relate to why you’re hiding?” 

“That was my uncle. He’s pissed at my dad. I was just trying to defend him, which my uncle didn’t like.”

“Why is he pissed?”

“‘Cause he won’t help him out.”

“So it does have to do with why you’re hiding, right?” 

“Yeah.”

“You sure don’t have to tell me the rest of it, I don’t actually want to know. I was just concerned at first if the person didn’t hurt you or something,” Amy knows just enough about the diner incident to be able to let it all go. This way she wouldn’t have to talk to the cops about it. They wouldn’t have to know. Although thanks to Hope, she still needs to go and talk to them. 

“No, no. But I do need to stay low so this other guy doesn’t-”

“Nick, please, I really don’t want to get involved. Just. Don’t tell me, okay?”

“O-kay.”

Maybe Nick will think Amy’s weird for not wanting to know more or like, every detail of his life, but Amy really does not need the information. Because she believes, possessing that information might somehow get her into a huge mess sooner or later. 

*

Maybe it’s the music, maybe it’s the alcohol, but maybe it’s simply because she’s just having a good time, but Hope’s totally forgotten to check her phone if Lana has texted her. When she goes to the kitchen to fix herself another drink, she does so. There is a text from the girl. Lana let her know, an hour ago, that she wouldn’t be actually showing up. Well, maybe next time, although it still doesn’t really upset Hope. 

When she’s returning back to the living room, she overhears a girl yelling. Not the party, good-feeling yelling. Not even the drunk, mad yelling. It’s a sober, but still genuinely upset yelling. 

Hope turns the corner and sees a girl with a guy standing opposite to her. The people stand around, unintentionally witnessing the exchange. Hope steps closer, too curious to know what the fight is about. She finds it kind of remarkable how sober the girl is, probably the only sober person in the whole house. 

“What the fuck did you think? That you’re going to have a date at _this_ party? _Here?_ How many of them did you text to?”

The guy scoffs, finishes his drink and carelessly throws the cup on the floor, “we were never exclusive, geez. I don’t get why you’re upset.”

“Because you’re disgusting, texting tens of other girls, while you’re bringing flowers to _me_.”

“I’ve been bringing them to the others too.”

“I don’t care about others, you idiot. You’re disrespectful as fuck. I don’t care if those other bubbleheads are okay with being played. I am _not_. Can the two brain cells in the void you’ve got attached to your neck grasp that?”

The moment Hope understands what the guy’s been accused of, she takes the girl’s side, her anger’s completely justified. She takes a step closer, comfortably leans her back against the wall only a few steps from the girl. 

“So how many have there been, Anthony?” 

The guy, Antonio’s scoff fades into a chuckle of cynical laughter, “you don’t need to know that.”

The girl leans closer to him, they’re really close. Hope feels like she’s going to punch him any second now. It alarms Hope a little, so she slides a little closer towards the girl then unglues her back from the wall. 

“Don’t be a bitch, Antony. This is your time to brag, to shine. Tell everyone how you’ve been overcompensating about your complex of having a small dick.”

Hope almost lets out a snicker, then she sees Anthony’s amused look turn into hurt. He’s ready to throw a punch back, although, how Hope sees it, the girl kind of ended him. 

“You want an exact number? Huh? Okay. Seventy-three,” he smiles in satisfaction. 

“You’re pathetic,” the girl says in frustration, looks around as if looking for something. Seeing this, Hope steps to her and hands her almost full cup into the girl’s hand with the word, “here.”

The girl takes it without questions and with even less hesitation she splashes all of it into Anthony’s face. Anthony immediately flees. The girl turns around to face Hope, “thanks,” she says with such a big smile, it makes Hope think if it is the same girl who’s just been yelling her lungs out a minute ago. “I think I owe you a drink, but,” the girl smells the empty cup, “I have something better than this,” and without any further explaining, she grabs Hope by the hand and drags her upstairs. 

“Are we even-”

“Come on,” the girl yanks her again and soon she’s inside a room, too dark to tell where exactly in the room she’s standing. Even no glimpse of a street light enters. Hope makes a comment pointing this fact out. 

“It takes approximately ten minutes for the cone cells in your eyes to adapt to the dark.”

“Uh,” Hope’s unsure what to do with that information, then wonders why does the girl wants to be in the dark in the first place. She can sense she’s walking around the room. Finally, the blinds covering one of the windows is undone by the girl, allowing Hope to see at least the silhouettes of objects. She realizes they’re in somebody’s bedroom, “maybe we should go back downstairs.”

“Why?” The girl disappears in one of the room’s corners and the next moment she reappears in front of Hope, she’s holding a bottle of whiskey. 

“If I had a party at my house, I wouldn’t want anybody to walk around my room,” Hope explains her concern. 

“Fair point,” she says then proceeds to make herself comfortable on the floor under the window. She undoes the bottle’s lid and takes a big sip, “good thing we’re in _my_ room then,” with, something Hope can only assume is a smile on the girl’s face, the girl offers the bottle to Hope, “I’m Rocío.”

“Hope,” she takes the bottle and sits down next to the girl. 

*

Amy stops her car at a random house when Nick asks her to stop. 

“Thanks for the ride.”

“Sure. Good,” Amy wants to wish him luck, but he leaves before she could finish her sentence. 

She sits in the car for a little. Not to watch where he goes, but to give Dana a call, to know if she’s still expecting Amy or if she’s given up on her. 

Dana answered with a soft, almost sleepy, “ _hey_.”

“Are you still there?” Amy’s hopeful Dana’s still waiting for her at their little secret hideaway. 

“ _I came home_.”

“Oh,” Amy feels like this means she won’t have a chance to talk to her. 

“ _Just stop by, when you’re free_.”

“I’ll be there in an hour. Or even less.”

“ _Cool_.”

_Cool_. It was such a sad _cool_. Now, Amy has an hour to think about how she’s going to explain everything to Dana. 

*

“Nobody? Really?” Rosío giggles and takes another sip. 

“Nope.”

“So you walked in and what?” 

“I realized I missed the whole thing… by a whole week,” Hope smiles at the memory of her missing out tryouts for one of the local basketball teams back in seventh grade. 

“A _week_?” 

“Yeah.”

“Do you still play?”

“Occasionally… used to… now I’m kinda banned from doing _any_ sports, because my parents think that any physical activity that might increase my heart rate might kill me,” Hope takes the bottle out of Rocío’s hand. 

“That’s a bummer… but hey, you’re gonna want to step up your game with keeping up with deadlines once you go to college. And on a side note, are you sure your heart can bear all this alcohol?”

Hope shrugs. 

“Just don’t haunt me if your ghost gets trapped in my home.”

“Can’t promise,” Hope takes another big gulp, almost finishing the bottle. She hands the last sip back to Rocío, then lets her body spread over the carpet. 

“You good?” Rocío shakes Hope’s leg as if making sure she gets a reaction, if not a verbal one, at least some physical evidence of well being. 

“Isn’t it a little quiet? What time is it?”

“It’s after-hours. You wanna guess how many people are passed out in my living room?”

“No, but I could tell you how many people are going to be passed out in your bed,” Hope tries using a flirty tone, but the alcohol makes her sound as if convincing somebody of her truth. 

“Oh?” 

Hope picks herself up, as much as she’s able to and makes her way to the bed standing opposite to the window. She sits on the edge, eyes Rocío who’s still sitting on the floor under the window. 

“Are you sure you want to go there?” Rocío asks with what Hope thinks is a cocky smile.

“Where exactly?”

“I’m pretty wild in bed, you know,” Rocío finally stands up, she places the empty bottle on her desk and walks over to the bed, “whenever somebody sleeps in bed with me, they wake up with bruises. I think it’s a side effect of the combination of my self-defense skills and my nightmares.”

“I was thinking of getting a tattoo, but maybe I’d get a temporary bruise instead. You could help me with that.” 

Hope slowly lays her body on the bed, rests her eyes; lets her drunk memories from the evening play out in a compilation. She’s unsure if the bed is that comfortable or her body is just too tired, but lying there feels heavenly. She senses the girl’s laid down next to her. Their hands touch, Hope’s fingers sneak into Rocío’s palm, which makes the girl giggle. 

“What?”

“They either lie in movies or I’m too ticklish.”

“Oh, you don’t like the soft touching of hands? The lingering looks? The whispering of words into the other’s mouth?” 

“You wanna know what I like?”

Hope opens her eyes. She smiles to herself. How nice it is just being there with Rocío, not thinking about Amy. Oh, right, _her_. Oh damn, now she’s thinking about her. Amy. Hope shakes her head, “I do.”

*

Amy texts Dana when she arrives at the girl’s house. Shortly, Dana walks out of the house, sits inside the car. 

“Hey.”

Dana’s quiet. Of course, she is, it’s Amy who’s supposed to do the talking, it’s her time. 

“Is it okay if we sit out here? Or should I drive us somewhere?”

Dana shakes her head softly, “it’s okay.”

“Okay, well,” Amy is having trouble gathering her thoughts as if she didn’t have time for that the whole time she drove back from Irvine. She undoes her seatbelt and repositions herself in her seat to have a better view of Dana, “sorry that it took me this long to get here. Moly needed help with something. It was kinda an emergency.”

Dana doesn’t say anything. _Of course she doesn’t, Amy. She wants to hear_ you _talk_. 

“You were right about the cop thing. It does have to do with the fight I had with Hope. It happened a few weeks ago. The night before the cops came in and told that Nick is a missing person. In the middle of the night, I got a phone call from Hope. She was drunk and needed a ride home. So I gave her one. But on the way to her house, I had to stop at this diner, because she was going to throw up and I didn’t want to have the car messed up. I was already sure I was going to get in trouble for sneaking out. At this diner, I saw Nick arguing with some guy. Then the next day we found out about him and I panicked. I wasn’t sure telling the cops was right. I was scared everyone was going to find out why I was there, whom I was there with. I was scared you’d find out and… so I told Hope. She said I had to talk to the cops, but I refused. So she went to the cops, told them she saw him, not even mentioning me. Then we had that fight at my house, you know. I didn’t… I wasn’t too nice to her, so I guess it upset her and as some kind of revenge she went to the cops and told them the whole truth. When those two detectives approached us I immediately knew.”

Dana is quiet for a few seconds once Amy finishes her monologue, “you yelled at her at school because she told the cops the truth? What _you_ were supposed to do, the moment you found out Nick’s been missing?”

“I yelled at her because she knew how important it was to me not to get involved.”

“Because you were afraid I would freak out if I found out that you gave her a ride? You assumed that I would be jealous because you talk to other people? Do you feel like she deserved it?” Dana keeps her voice calm and low the whole time. 

“Yes, I was afraid. I thought… it doesn’t matter what I thought because I was wrong. I see it now.”

Dana’s silence is scaring Amy, “please say something.”

“I can’t… is that really what you think of me? That I’d ever throw a jealousy tantrum? And I also wonder about you being concerned about being seen with Hope in the first place. As if there actually _is_ a reason for me to get jealous about your interactions... Is there?” Dana’s words might’ve been piercing through Amy like a knife, but the look she gives her hurts even more. 

“No of course not… I love you.”

“Don’t say it just to save the situation. Words carry weight.”

“What makes you think I don’t mean it?”

“Just every time I try to talk about feelings, you deflect. And now you tell me you love me?” 

Amy realizes this is the first time she’s said it, “I didn’t want to scare you away.”

“So you rather made me believe what _I_ ’ve been the most scared of. That the time has come, you’ve finally gotten tired of this.”

Something in Dana’s voice has sounded like the beginning of a breakup. Amy reaches for her hand and squeezes it tightly, “don’t say that, please. You know I don’t care where we spend time together. If we have to drive two hours just to go to see a movie or go on a hike, so be it. I don’t care if we spend every single day at my house for the next year. It doesn’t matter to me. It would be selfish of me to expect you to come out when I know exactly well how that would affect your life. And I don’t want to do anything that I know would harm you because I love you. I truly, sincerely am sorry for acting like an asshole. But I can’t lose you.”

Amy’s out of words to say. She knows that words are simply not going to be enough to make up for how she’s been acting lately. But it cannot be over. Not like this.


	7. An apology and a junkyard

“Gigi. Have you seen Hope anywhere?” Amy pushed through the crowd standing around Gigi. 

Gigi squints her eyes in suspicion, “are you going to yell at her again?” 

“No,” Amy believes she’s talking to the last person who could tell her where to find the girl.

“Hmm… I don’t believe you,” she slams her locker’s door, “so no, I haven’t seen her,” she retorts and motions for the people, who are so eager to be near her, to follow her as she starts walking away. 

Amy follows, begs for some information about Hope’s whereabouts, “please. I really, really need to talk to her. 

Without turning back to look at her, Gigi yells, “if you really did, you’d already know where she is.”

“What?”

“You better figure it out or I will have to think that she doesn’t deserve you.”

Amy decides to stop chasing after Gigi because none of what she’s said made any sense at all. It’s like Gigi speaks in code most of the time. 

After third period, Amy’s cruising through the hallways again in search for Hope. As she passes by the cafeteria, she spots a yellow hoodie sitting with their back to the door. Amy can’t see a face, but she _knows_ it’s her. 

She goes up to the table and sits across from her, “can we talk?” 

Hope doesn’t even look up from the book her eyes are so glued to, “no.”

“Please?” Amy sighs, “would you just hear me out? I know you want to talk too. To be friends again. Otherwise, why would you still be sitting here, listening to me talk?”

“I’m still sitting here because I don’t think I’m the one who should be walking away.” 

“You’re right. I know. And I want to apologize… can you at least look at me, please?”

Hope finally looks up, but Amy loses all her confidence and she isn’t quite sure anymore if she can handle Hope’s dark eyes gazing right into hers. But at the same time, she’s unable to look away, her mouth opens ajar, but no sound comes out.

“Yes, Amy?”

“I’m really sorry. Can we discuss what happened? Grab something to eat after school? Whatever you’d like. Give me a chance?”

“Why should I?”

“Because I’m an idiot and you know that but deep down you still want to give me a chance to make up for all of it because you want to be friends?” Amy smiles shyly. 

Hope rolls eyes, returns her attention to her book, “you better come up with a good place to take me to. I’m not that easily impressed.”

*

Using lunchtime to hunt online a place where she could take Hope to, Amy sits in the cafeteria, scrolling the fifth website, looking for the perfect place. 

“Going on a date?” Amy hears Annabelle’s curious voice right next to her ear, shoves her face right on the surface of her phone’s screen. 

“No.”

“Then why are you on the eight page of a list of restaurants?” Annabelle asks as she and Molly take a seat opposite from her. 

“I’m trying to look for a place to take Hope to.”

“You’re going out with Hope?”

Instead of Amy, Molly answered Annabelle’s question in an annoyed voice, “no, she’s trying to be friends with her.”

“I’m trying to get her to forgive me and before you ask, no, I’m not going to explain what happened. Help me come up with somewhere really cool instead, please.”

“I won’t criticize you trying to be friends with, but I’m also not helping you,” Molly lets Amy down. While Amy understands why Molly’s taken this stand concerning Hope, she’d be glad if her best friend was of some help. 

“I’ve been to this place that looked like going back to the 1980s,” Annabelle, on the other hand, seems to want to be more helpful, “wait, let me look it up.”

“Thanks, I-” Amy’s sight is caught by Dana, who walks in. She notices Amy, smiles at her. Amy’s unsure if she should initiate something or give the girl some space instead. She’s scared that if she gives Dana too much space, she might think that the current state of their relationship doesn’t bother Amy. 

“I’ll text you the address. I’m sure she’ll love the place.”

*

“So? What do you say?” Amy asks, referring to the place. Annabelle was right and while not Amy or Hope know how the 1980s felt like, the restaurant does give off a vibe. 

“I thought you’re going to be doing the talking. That’s why we’re here, right?”

“Oh yes, totally. Uh, I just… nevermind.”

A waitress arrives at their table to take their order, “welcome to The Naive Melody. Can I bring you drinks while you’re deciding on the food?”

“Coke with lemon, please.”

“Same for me.”

The waitress walks back to the bar. 

Amy clears her throat, looks Hope in the eyes, and finally starts talking, “look, Hope. You were right about everything. From the start. I was selfish. I should’ve talked to the cops. And my fears were unreasoned. The way I talked to you was not okay. Me yelling at you was not okay. I have no explanation as to why I treated you that way and I definitely won’t hide behind some made-up excuse. I was angry at you when I shouldn’t have been because you’ve done nothing wrong. It was me, I messed everything up.”

The waitress arrives with their drinks and Hope takes a big sip of hers. 

“Are you gonna say something?”

“Oh, was that it?”

“Yeah, I, I think so.”

“It’s just _so nice_ listening to you expressing how awful you’ve been to me.”

“It’s the truth… I mean, that _is_ how you see it right?”

“You base the strategy of apologizing on you figuring out what _I_ think you did wrong and then apologize for the things I say?”

“No, no, wait that came out wrong.”

“It did?” Hope asks cynically, “why don’t you give it another try then?” 

“What I wanted to say… I really want to know how I can make it up to you.”

Hope squints her eyes, rests her elbows on the table, leans a little closer to Amy, “you see, that’s a completely different question. Why are you deflecting, Amy?”

“I’m not. I just wanted to apologize, okay?”

“Yeah, you’ve said sorry a couple of times, but it still sounds like you want _me_ to tell you how to fix it.”

“I’m trying to fix this. I’m trying to express how sincerely sorry I am for treating you badly, for humiliating you by yelling at you at school. It bothers me that I hurt your feelings. But from this point on, I don’t know what else to do. How can I make it up to you?”

“It’s really easy for you to fuck things up. The question is, why do that if you don’t have the resources to fix them after? And what do you expect _me_ to say? What suggestions do you think I could give you?”

“I don’t know, but I do want to be your friend. And promise never to treat you that way again. I’ll do whatever you want me to. I’ll drive you to school for the rest of the year or help you with whatever you need help with.”

Hope leans back, crosses her arms against her chest, “I don’t know, Amy. It’s a little hard to look away from how you made me feel. The things you’re suggesting you would do for me belittle the consequence of your behavior. You hurt me. And driving me to school every day is not going to fix that. And certainly won’t change what I think of you right now.” 

“So there is no way you’re going to forgive me?”

Hope is quiet, reaches for her glass and takes a sip.

“Because I want to be your friend.”

“You’ve said that already.”

“I know. Just, you forgiving me would mean a lot to me. I know I need to change the way I treat people. I know now. Yes, the things I’ve suggested are not going to help you having trust in me again. But maybe you’ll agree with me that time might. If you gave me a chance to prove it to you, I’ll do everything I can to do so.”

“Really?” Hope raises a brow.

“Yes… It would mean the world to me.”

“Yeah?” Hope relaxes in her seat for the first time since they’ve sat down. The desperation mixed with sincerity in Amy’s eyes is starting to soften Hope. 

“Yes… Like a lot. And hopefully, when Dana sees we’re good again, she finally forgives me too.”

Hope can’t believe her ears, “what?” she whispers. Just when she’s ready to give Amy a chance, _this_ is what happens? But Amy doesn’t seem to realize what she’s just said. “Are you fucking kidding me? Is this all about her?”

Hope pickles herself up, grabs her jacket, and storms out of the restaurant. She gets her phone out of the pocket of her jacket and dials Rocío’s number. 

“ _Date already over?_ ”

“Can you pick me up, please?” Hope says distraught. 

“ _Sure… text me the address._ ”

A few minutes later Amy exits the restaurant too, “Hope, wait, please. What’s going on? What did I say?”

Hope turns around. She wants to yell at Amy, but she also feels like crying, which she doesn’t want to do in front of her. “You’re seriously asking me that?”

“Yes.” 

“You beg me for another chance and then you basically tell me you’re doing it so your girlfriend forgives you?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that… it came out wrong, what I meant was-”

“It’s interesting how you never _mean_ to say certain things, but still end up saying them. You don’t care about anybody but yourself. Crazy thing is, I feel like out of the two of us, _I_ am the idiot for thinking that you could ever actually care about me.”

“Okay, I don’t know what you mean by that.”

“Do you know anything at all, Amy? For real… You know what, just leave me alone. Don’t talk to me _ever_ again.”

To Hope’s surprise, Rocío arrives, although they spoke on the phone like five minutes ago.

“Please, let me explain.”

“Fuck off, Amy,” Hope gets into the car, slams the car door a little harder than needed.

“Hey, easy there.”

“Sorry.”

The car moves and Rocío starts a conversation Hope is not in the mood for, “what was the fight about?” 

“It wasn’t a fight.”

“What was it then?” 

“Do we have to talk about this? I need my mind elsewhere right now.”

“I didn’t know I was just a distraction to you.”

Hope sighs, “I simply don’t want to waste the time we spend together complaining about things that don’t matter.”

“Don’t matter? Okay. You text me to reschedule so you can go on a date with another girl, to whom, in the end, you tell to fuck off. Now you’re sitting in my car, I’m driving us who knows where, while you’re clearly pissed off at this chick, giving me a negative vibe, which I do _not_ fuck with so it matters to me.”

“It wasn’t a date.”

“ _That’s_ the thing you decide to pick from what I’ve just said?”

“She’s an idiot, who messed everything up. Of course, I’m pissed at her. She’s selfish, treats me like shit, then asks me to give her another chance and that she wants to apologize to me. Then turns out that she’s only doing it so her girlfriend forgives her for lying and being a shitty person in general.” 

“And you went on a date with her?”

“It wasn’t a date.”

“Why do you let it piss you off then?”

“Because I have self-respect? Because she’s selfish? Because she doesn’t care about my feelings?” 

“It’s… she sounds awful, true. But why don’t you just say fuck her and never talk to her again? If she’s treated you so badly, is she even worth spending your precious time being pissed at her?” 

“Because it’s not like I can erase her from my life. We go to the same school, the same classes. And she sure as hell is going to keep chasing me with a soggy apology.”

“So? What’s the plan? How are we getting rid of her?”

“Haha, funny.”

“No, seriously. What do you want to do? 

“I don’t know… just… I’m not even pissed at her. I’m disappointed. In her and in myself. And I could even forgive her. Well, I could have anyway. After this I’m not sure she deserves to be my friend. But I think I find it easier to pretend that I’m angry than act like I don’t have feelings for her while trying to be friends with her.”

“Alright. I understand that.”

“Don’t get me wrong. Last night was the most fun I’ve had in a while. But starting a hook-up with a deep conversation about how emotionally invested I am in another girl just didn’t seem right.”

“Don’t sweat it, sweetheart. We all need our minds taken off of all sorts of things sometimes. I’ll gladly help you whenever you need me to.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it and thoroughly enjoy your company. Though on second thought, I don’t think it’s going to help me move on.”

“I didn’t think it would. But sometimes you just need to simply enjoy the nice things in your life. So… is the anger in you still heating your blood?”

“Now that you’ve reminded me of it? Yeah. I could break something.”

“Funny you should say that.”

*

Meantime, Amy is having the least fun with her friends at the beach. She’s playing with the sand, buries her hand in it, then pulls it out, wonders that if she buried her whole body in it, would her problems disappear. 

“What’s wrong with her?” Amy catches a question coming from Annabelle, guesses it’s addressed to her, so she answers, “everything’s wrong.”

Annabelle sits down next to her, “like what?” 

“That I always find a way to mess things up. That Hope will never forgive me.”

She hears Molly from behind her back, “here we go again. I think I’ll take a walk.”

“You’re supposed to be my best friend, you know,” Amy calls after her, but Molly just flips her off. 

“What happened?”

Amy is surprised Annabelle is willing to pretend to be interested in her problem, “I took her to that restaurant, but completely messed up the apology. Like I speak but the words that come out of my mouth don’t actually resemble the thoughts in my head.”

“You could write her a letter.”

“She wouldn’t read it. She’s done with me.”

“How would you know? Maybe she wants to forgive you, but if you did mess up the apology, you can’t expect her to.” 

“You should’ve seen the look she gave me. So angry and hurt.”

“Doesn’t mean you still can’t at least try to lay down something into written words. Let your trying be a proof of your effort to show her you want to be her friend. How much you regret how you’ve treated her. You know, actions speak volumes.”

“Wouldn’t writing a letter still just be words?”

Annabelle rolls her eyes, “just take my advice on this, okay?”

“I guess I could try.”

*

“When I said the thing about breaking something, I didn’t think I would actually get to do it.”

Hope still can’t believe the convenience that Rocío’s father owns a junkyard, where now she gets to stand. Rocío hands her a pair of gloves. While Hope’s putting them on, Rocío lifts her chin a little and places a pair of safety glasses on her. 

“I’m guessing this is your regular therapy, huh?”

“We could call it that, yes,” Rocío confirms as she too puts her gloves on.

“Is your dad okay with it?”

“Both me and my sister used to have a bad temper, we grew out of it eventually. He was the one who showed us the sweet relief it brings you. And he rather had us wrecking cars that would be turned into steel cubes than him having to pay for things that were still worth something.” 

“Smart.”

Rocío picks up a hammer and hands it to Hope, “your mighty weapon, use it wisely.”

“How do we do this? Where do we start? Which are the best parts?”

“We’re lucky because this car still has all its windows intact _and_ untouched,” Rocío climbs on the top of the car and reaches her hand for Hope to follow. So Hope to gets on top of the car. 

Rocío swings her hammer and breaks the rear windshield, making a huge rumble, “for it to be more therapeutic, I recommend you pretend she’s here and you get to yell at her. You know, for how much she’s hurt you. Or whatever’s on your heart.”

“Sorry, I just don’t feel like shouting what I feel right now. I might regret saying those things out loud.”

“Hey, no shame when you’re around me.”

Hope smiles then takes a step closer to the front and with a big swing of her hammer, she breaks the front windshield. She lets out a chuckle at how satisfying it feels to break something. It might only be a temporary bliss, but right now, it’s quite enough for Hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel really bad for disappearing again, for not posting for so long. I have an entrance exam in three weeks since i want to change my college major and i've been preparing for that 24/7... sooo, i'll be happy if somebody still remembers me and my little fic. thank you for being patient and not giving up on it. ily


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